We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
