Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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