I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
