guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
