Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How does one acquire holy water?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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