I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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