This girl is more easily done than said...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
