The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
