Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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