Soap is not a condiment
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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