You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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