I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
