My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
