hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
