ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
