I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Are we still banned from the library?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
try to milk me bitch
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
