what day is it and did you see me today?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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