When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
