We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
