there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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