did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
