I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
