Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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