mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
