I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
