Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
