the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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