Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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