Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize