Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
