just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
