Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I don't think brook has ever known best
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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