Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize