Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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