The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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