i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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