just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
