Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sext me about skeletons
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
