2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Four minutes until I can fart!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
