im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
