margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
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