Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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