Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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