i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
