I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the day after is always just damage control
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
