So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
