As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
