We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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