you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
