Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
