Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
