He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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