my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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