she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
In other news, I just burned my penis
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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