last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize