So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize