I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
