I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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