I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
