you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
