My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
