Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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