smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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