I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
