My room smells like vodka and shame
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
