I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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