I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
