Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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