I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Bring me that man meat
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
