I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
