its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
