Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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