never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize