Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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