This is not my ceiling
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
